Eucharist, Communion, Sacrament: Whatever You Call It, It’s Insane

By David Metcalfe

August 22, 2019

Jesus For Breakfast

Imagine sitting down to eat at Denny’s and looking through the menu: pancakes, waffles, eggs, the Son of God, bacon, breakfast wrap, oh wait, why is “the Son of God” a breakfast option?

It’s because Jesus told people to eat him.

In John 6:54 he says, “Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and will be raised up on the last day.”

That seems like a pretty normal thing to say, right? Just take a bite out of some guy and you can live forever.

But wait, there’s more: later on he specifies how to eat him. In Luke 22 it says, “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.’ In the same way, after the supper, he took the cup, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.'”

So he tells people to eat him, and then he says, “oh by the way, I’m actually bread.” Then he waits for everyone to finish eating before dropping the next bombshell: “oh and my blood is wine.”

Hard Rules To Swallow

But, you know, not all bread and wine is Jesus’ body and blood (decided some ancient Catholics). No, it has to be blessed by a priest first, and only then do those wafers and grape juice become God’s only Son.

This awkward semi-cannabalism is very important for having a good relationship with Jesus. You know you love Jesus when you just want to eat him and drink his blood!

But not everyone is allowed to eat their Lord and Savior, as Paul points out in his letter to the church in Corinth: “For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes. Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner, shall be guilty of the body and the blood of the Lord. But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself, if he does not judge the body rightly.”

Munching on the Messiah is not allowed if you are too sinful! So, remember kids, always be good, because once a week Jesus will let you eat him. If you misbehave, you will have to be content with your breakfast.

The Sanctity Of Scarfing Down The Son of Man

It makes sense that an all knowing, super intelligent, rational God would come to the earth in human form and demand that we eat him in bread form. The logic just works, people.

Now, you may ask, “Is Jesus God? Is Jesus human? Is Jesus bread?” Yes, yes, and most definitely.

The other important thing to realize is that you can’t go to heaven if you don’t choose to chow down on the chosen one. The three pillars of Christianity are: Jesus died for your sins, Jesus exemplifies perfect virtue, and Jesus is in edible form once a week.

Conclusion

You might call it eucharist, communion, or sacrament; but I call it insane.

I’m interested in Christianity, obviously (I wouldn’t be constantly reading the Bible if I wasn’t), but I can’t say “eating Jesus” has ever been especially moving to me. I’ve been inspired by the way people’s lives, and my own, have been changed by the work of Jesus in their lives. I’ve been inspired by the kind of revolutionary person Jesus was. I’ve been inspired by the central message of the gospel, from creation to fall to law to redemption to salvation.

But I’ll eat pancakes for breakfast, and leave you freaking weirdos to the cannabalism.