When Is It Ok To Treat People Like Garbage?
By David Metcalfe
August 10, 2019
We all want to feel important, powerful, and to express ourselves. There are all kinds of ways to go about doing that, but the most effective way is to treat others like garbage. Now, the problem is that there are certain social rules and norms stopping you from treating people like garbage. But the good news is that there are also lots of social rules and norms that actually allow or even facilitate treating others like garbage.
So, to help you know when you can feel better about yourself at the expense of others, here is a quick guide to how to go about that in a socially acceptable way:
Customer Service Professionals
If you are at a restaurant and want to feel like you are better than other people, you came to the right place. If you are wondering how to treat your waiter, just imagine that you are a king in the Middle Ages, and they are a lowly peasant. You just need to find something slightly wrong and make a huge deal about it. It could be anything: the soup is one degree too cold, you finished your drink 30 seconds ago and they haven’t rushed to your table to fill it up yet, or maybe blame them for something they had nothing to do with (like the food taking too long, or whatever). Whatever it is, remember that you have the power, and they are your slave, so condescend to them and express your anger however you want.
But this is not limited to waiters; no, in American culture, there are lots of peasants who serve you. It could be a McDonald’s worker who forgot your fries (“It’s not hard, moron” is a classic, but feel free to mix it up a bit, and maybe demand free stuff or ask to speak to their manager). It could be a tech support worker who didn’t solve your problem instantly (after all, you were on hold for 25 minutes, so you have a right to be mad at the tech support guy).
For so many years, bosses barked orders at you, threatened to fire you for minor offences, and just generally made you feel worthless. But you’ve worked your way up the ranks, and now you’re the boss, and you get to be the one who builds themselves up by tearing others down. Feel the power of telling someone they’ll be fired if they show up late one more time, feel the superiority of telling someone you wish you hadn’t hired them and they are only still here because you’re so merciful, or feel the strength of calling someone a “useless piece of shit” for a minor mistake.
You’re a tough guy, and you’d love to prove that to everyone by beating the shit out of people. But that’s illegal…that is, off the field. Once you get your gear on, and there’s some guy running with a ball near you, you can run as fast as you can and crush his skull at full force. Everyone will cheer for you! They’ll say, “wow, what a great athlete”! You can post an “epic hit” video on social media and get even more praise. Now, that kid you hit is reeling from post-concussive symptoms for several months, with enduring and permanent brain damage, but, you know, he knew what he was getting himself into when he signed up for football, so it’s ok.
Had a difficult day at work because your boss treated you like garbage? Well, now that you are home, you get to pass on feeling like garbage to your children, and make yourself feel better. You can’t do anything straight-up abusive, but there are lots of ways to be subtly abusive. They say something that doesn’t completely agree with what you said? “Shut up you little shit!” (my dad’s favourite phrase to me when I was a kid). They drop something? They play too loudly? There’s a huge list of normal things children do that any parent can get outrageously mad at them for, so go nuts!
Your Child’s Teacher or Coach
You’re the only one who gets to treat your children like crap whenever you feel like it; everyone else has to treat them like a prince or princess. The coach didn’t put your kid in the best position or play them 90% of the game? That’s a great opportunity for you to show how much better- and louder- you are than the coach, by explaining to him very harshly that your son is the next David Beckham and needs to be treated as such.
Your child is obviously a genius, so if they get a low grade, it can’t be their fault. You’re an amazing parent (magnificent, even), so it can’t be your fault. No, it is that idiot teacher’s fault. Explain to the teacher that your child is a perfectly behaved, once-in-a-generation intellect because of how you’ve parented them, and then condescend to the teacher the rest of the meeting. Even complain to the principal if you want, because putting someone’s job in jeopardy over your perceived exceptional child is a sensible thing to do, if your goal is to make yourself feel great at the expense of others.
I wish I had more time, but this was just a quick snapshot into a few of the people you can treat like garbage. There are also sports referees, hospital staff, airplane stewardesses, janitors, heck, even your own spouse!
An easy way to study ways to treat people like garbage is to simply live life and learn from those around you. All of the examples I’ve given here are ones I’ve seen, heard or experienced first-hand. It’s now my responsibility- all of our responsibility- to learn from our culture and copy them, so that we can maintain the status quo.
Things may seem hard now, when you are the one being treated poorly, but remember that, harness that anger, and be patient: your time to pass on treating others like garbage will come soon enough. Soon, you will be the one who has the power, and you will get to use it for your personal betterment.